These are all of the questions that are going through my mind as I stand at the Social Security Office, application in hand. Who decided that this is the process for a newlywed to change her name? Wtf am I here for? I feel like I am the only sane person in line. Other folks are looking like they are running from the law, up to no good, changing baby daddies and so forth. The cop that lets you through the METAL DETECTOR just gave me the screw face and said "are YOU here for a new social security card?" Like, ma'am you might be in the wrong place!
I made the mistake of deciding to hand deliver my marriage certificate, thinking it would be no problem to fill out a one page application, show my ID and give it to someone sitting at a desk. Wrong! It's like the DMV but worse in here. Smells like a mingling of cultures and looks like an intake room at a prison. Like row after row of full chairs waiting with a number. I've been here for 15 minutes and I haven't even gone through the security check yet.
So I was next in line to be frisked and took the opportunity to offer a sweet smile to the older cop. Blinking up at him, I politely asked him a few honest questions.
1. Is there a separate line for people turning in marriage licenses? No.
2. How long have people been in here? Hours.
3. Should I just send in my application? No, because you also have to send in your actual drivers license.
4. Is it less crowded on a Monday? No, you should come15 minutes before we open or 15 minutes before we close.
Thank you sir, seeya next week!
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